Monday, June 25, 2012

What's Lady Gaga's Sexual Orientation? Confused With Her Sexuality; Cock or Pussy?

Hey, this is Kat and this is Sex Chat with Dr. Kat. I’m your host, Dr. Kat Van Kirk, here to answer all of your sex and relationship questions. Want me to answer your question? Shocking, but true. If you call by 24-hour a day, seven day a week Listener Line at 2132701968, you’ll have my full attention. I will answer your question on a future show. And I would like to thank our lovely sponsors,

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Do Men Get Turned Off When A Girl Gets Wet and Cums Too Quickly?

QUESTION: Hi, Dr. Kat, I have a question. When I’m with my boyfriend and get excited, I get really, really wet. And then if I have an orgasm, I mean, I’m just… I can’t tell you how wet I am. And he says it’s not normal and it’s a turnoff, and I’m really embarrassed about it and I don’t know what to do.

Well, I think it’s unfortunate that’s it’s a turnoff for him because I can’t tell you how many men I talk to on a regular basis who equate wetness with how turned on you are. And therefore, it pumps up their sense of themselves and it must mean that they’re a great lover because you’re super wet.

Plenty of women are sincerely upset, unhappy with the fact that they can’t lubricate on their own, that they have to rely on lube. Which to me, doesn’t matter here nor there, you know. Whether you use lube, whether you’ve got enough lubrication, it doesn’t matter. As long as you have a little slipperiness, however you come by that when you have sex, sex is going to be more enjoyable because it’s going to be slippery and there isn’t going to be all that dry friction, and that’s what leads to uncomfortable sex for a lot of people.

So, I know it’s easy enough for me to tell you. Your boyfriend’s ridiculous. You’ve got plenty of lube, you’re a lucky woman, whatever. But I would say, have a conversation with him and just say, “You know, this is how my body is set up, and it’s my body responding.”

It’s the natural physiological response to sexual stimulation. And I don’t care if you have to put a towel or two on the bed. I don’t care if you end up getting wet through your pants and your panties. It can be related to hormones and a lot of other things in your life, but that’s your body’s response and it’s providing you with lubrication. And I say, use it and go have sex, because obviously, it’s there for a reason.

It can vary a lot. Some women lubricate more, some lubricate less. My suggestion to you is to just be comfortable with it and realize that whatever hang-up your boyfriend has about it, it’s his hang-up and not yours. And if he’s not going to get over this and realize that this is a part of you and your natural sexual response, I don’t know. Maybe he’s not the boyfriend for you.

Trying Anal Sex For The First Time

QUESTION: Hi, Dr. Kat. I have a question for you. My husband and I have been married for three years and sex is great. He says he’s ready to try anal sex on me, but I’m afraid. Is anal sex good or bad for you? Should I allow the anal sex or should we just keep it the same? Thank you.
So, anal sex. I remember seeing Margaret Cho, one of her stand-up comedy acts, and saying that anal sex was like going to the dentist, you have to do it once or twice a year. I would sincerely hope for all of you out there that anal sex is not drudgery and it is also not something to be afraid of.

The reason why I feel like a lot of women in particular feel concerned and have issues around anal sex is because they and their partners are not doing it properly. I absolutely think anal sex can be a really nice addition to their repertoire because good God, when you’re with someone for years and years, and years on end, and you just want to mix it up, anal sex is a really good option.

There are all these other nerve endings. Some women even have anal orgasms. There’s a lot of taboo around it, so some people really dig that. There are all these reasons why anal sex should be titillating. And so what I would suggest is I don’t want you to do anything that you’re unhappy with, obviously. But if you were interested in pursuing anal sex, there’s definitely a right way to do it.

Make sure your husband is listening to this. No. 1, go slow. It is not about jamming a big, fat penis in there. It is about taking your time doing some foreplay and not jumping the gun, so to speak. Okay? So take your time. The other issue is to really use lube!

There’s no natural lubrication of the anus, so you absolutely, no matter what, need to use some form of lube with anal sex. So go out, buy some. There’s special lubes. I think Adam & Eve carry some, so if you go to www.AdamAndEve.comyou can buy lube especially for anal sex. It’s a little thicker. It’s a little more viscous, really great for anal sex.

The other thing is that when you’re going slow and you’re using lube, you work at a graduated fashion. Which means, your partner starts by inserting his finger into your asshole and works his way up, maybe from one finger to two fingers. Really, you’ve got to give yourself time and loosen up around there because in your head if all you’re going to do is clench up… Because if your mind is closed, your anus will be closed as well.

You need to give yourself time to kind of reprogram that, and the other thing is, is that he may not actually put his penis into you. He may not actually put his cock into your asshole the very first time you attempt this. So that means that you both need to be patient. And you know what? The anticipation, the titillation of maybe doing some anal play first before getting to that main event would be a really great way for you to build up to it. Right?

So I say, definitely go that route. The other trick that most people don’t realize is “Oh, I’m tensing up. I’m feeling some discomfort,” which you may feel a little discomfort because it’s a whole new experience for most people. So if you a little discomfort, just pay attention to your body and communicate about it.

If it’s too much, too soon, tell your partner. If he’s rushing in there or doing some kind of movement that isn’t working for you, you need to speak up and say “Slow down a little bit. Why don’t you go back to one finger instead of two?” There are also sex toys you can get, too, which I guess is another plug for

You could buy smaller anal plugs and things too in order to kind of get your anus prepared for full-on penis anal penetration as well. That’s also a good option, too. But a really good way to re-route your central nervous system so it’s not focused on the pain is play with your clitoris or have your partner play with your clitoris. Because what that does is that it allows you to focus on the pleasure of the clitoral play and kind of re-routes the nerve synapsis so that you don’t really feel as much tension. It helps you relax and can help you re-route what you’re reading as pain.

So I would really suggest that as well. And you know, give yourself some time, experiment. It is all good. Just make sure you’re communicating about it and let the flood gates open. So you can call my 24-hour a day, seven day a week Listener Line at 2132701968. If you leave a question, we may get to answer that on a future show. And I would like to introduce my best gay boyfriend, Mr. Ross Martineau.

What's Lady Gaga's Sexual Orientation? Confused With Her Sexuality; Cock or Pussy?

ROSS: Hi, Kat.

KAT: Hi, Ross.

ROSS: How are you?

KAT: I’m good. I’ve been following the Lady Gaga phenomenon.

ROSS: Gaga, gogo.

KAT: We’re gogo for Gaga.

ROSS: We are.

KAT: Her and her little meat dress, and I’m sure PETA loves that.

ROSS: Right. But it could be too firky or something. That could be the rouse, you know.

KAT: Oh, my god! It could be. That would be the whole way she could flip the whole thing. So I’m perplexed.

ROSS: Okay.

KAT: Here’s my issue.

ROSS: Tell me.

KAT: I love Lady Gaga. I love her music, I think it’s totally fun. I get the general draw to her as a performer, but…

ROSS: What do you want?

KAT: Well, what’s up with her?! She seems a little asexual. You know, I appreciate the work she’s doing with the ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ stuff. I appreciate that she’s out there pushing the envelope. Right?

ROSS: Yes, absolutely.

KAT: You know, around sexuality in general. I’m just not sure what sexuality she’s pushing. Who is she fucking? Who is she dating?

ROSS: So that’s what you want to know.

KAT: I do!

ROSS: Cock or pussy, cock or pussy. Interesting…

KAT: Is that an url? Maybe you should buy that.

ROSS: Right.

KAT: Cock or pussy…

ROSS: Yeah, I don’t know. I mean, I’m assuming and I think I’m pretty sure that she’s straight, or maybe her hook is that she is asexual. She comes across as a persona as sort of a robot, a femme bot.

KAT: She does.

ROSS: As it were, a femme bot. There you go, like Austin Powers.

KAT: Femme bot makes sense.

ROSS: So I kind of see her as – kudos to the queen, to Miss Madonna, but she’s kind of like the new Madonna in a way.

KAT: True, I totally agree with that. But Madonna, you always knew who she’s fucking.

ROSS: Right, I just had sex and rolled over the gutter.

KAT: Right. Or you know, blond ambition. You know what I mean? And it should her as like the whole Sandra Bernhard-like phase where she was like screwing her and then there was the out of hand thing, and then there was a…

ROSS: Okay, yes. Sandra Bernhard, yeah.

KAT: Yeah. You know what I mean? Like you always knew, and with her…

ROSS: Yeah, Gaga is a little more removed. So I’m kind of getting it. You love the music. You love the persona. You just want to see a little more of the sex in there.

KAT: I want her to come clean, yes, with who she’s having sex with because I’m confused.

ROSS: Okay, alright. I think it’ll happen.

KAT: I don’t know if it’s going to be a whole George Michael outing. Maybe she’ll be out at some way, in some bathroom somewhere.

ROSS: Oh, my god, yeah. We’ll see.

My Current Boyfriend Hates My Ex - Reeks of Insecurity

KAT: We’ll see. Let’s see our first question today. Comes from Keith. “I’m really good friends with an ex-boyfriend. In fact, he’s one of my best friends. My current boyfriend hates this. He thinks he should be enough for me and that I should drop my guy friend. I don’t think that’s right or fair. Can I tell my boyfriend how wrong he is?” Reeks of insecurity.

ROSS: Right. We learned long ago in Psychology 101, everything stems from basic insecurity.

KAT: Right. Or something that awry with your mother or your father.

ROSS: There you go.

KAT: One of the two.

ROSS: Yeah. You know, in this case I could actually kind of relate to this a little bit because actually when I met my partner he was living with his ex. To my partner’s credit, a couple of things happened that I thought he handled quiet well and was very mature, you know, kind of worked out well, was that… First off, he laid it out right from the start. You know, “This is the situation. We were lovers. We’re now friends,” and I respect that.

You love someone, you know, you say you love them. It’s like why should you end up hating them just because you’re parting. So they had an amicable parting and the roommate situation just happened to work out for them. The other thing is that he kept me primary, which I really appreciated. I never felt like a third wheel in my own relationship, which I think can happen so…

KAT: It absolutely does and I think that’s the thing. You get the emotional intimacy, right? And you get that established with your long-time friend. And then you got this new partner where sometimes it takes a while to feel that intimacy out at first. But the point is, is that if the person that you’re going home with every night, that you’re going to bed with, that you’re going through all the ups and downs of life with, if they’re not who you’re disclosing more to and spending more time with, and really getting down into the nitty-gritty with, then that to me is a red flag.

ROSS: Right. So this is our advice for the question asked, to Keith. He’s the one with the boyfriend who’s insecure about his relationship with the ex. And that is, Keith, be honest. Keep your partner primary, your boyfriend primary, and also, let him in. Really explain the situation and humanize the ex-partner, too, because sometimes if there’s a little bit of a removal because it’s a little awkward or whatever, that your imagination can run with you. I’m sure they’ve met each other, but just have them get to know each other a little more. That might help.

KAT: Take this thing out of it because I think the farther away the two of them are from knowing who one another are, probably the worse it is. Because if you let your mind run away with things, you’re going to create more of an issue than there is.

ROSS: Exactly.

KAT: Cool, alright. Super duper, I think we have another question, Ross.

My Girlfriend Is A Stripper

ROSS: We do. This is from Sarah in Boston. Okay. “I strip for a living and I am truly fine with stripping as a vocation. My boyfriend is not so hot on it. He gets very jealous and hangs around the club a lot. I’m just there to work, but I do admit I enjoy it. We are constantly at odds about this. How can I talk to him and convince him that I am not going to cheat on him, that it’s all just work?”

KAT: Well in theory, he should just trust you.

ROSS: Okay. Is that it? Okay, yeah.

KAT: Because if you’re able to separate what you’re doing for your job versus your home life, that should be good enough for him.

ROSS: Okay. I disagree. I mean, I can see that but I think that she’s got a couple of things that she’s doing right. No. 1, so it is just work and the fact that he’s going along, I don’t think it’s so much a bad thing in a way, because again, like the last question, your mind can run away with you.

KAT: True.

ROSS: And for him to actually go to the club and kind of see that she goes there, she puts her bag down, she gets her pasties on. They’re not on straight. She’s going to go out there, “How’s my makeup?”

KAT: The bad boob job doesn’t help this.

ROSS: Right, exactly. But I’m just saying it becomes – he can actually kind of witness that it’s a job. She goes out there, she does her thing. It’s an act, no different than an actress on the stage or whatever. The guys aren’t touching her, right? They’re not allowed to touch, so I hear from those bachelor parties. I mean, obviously, another red flag for her, for him, is I’m assuming that she’s not going into the ‘touch me, feel me’ room for the…

KAT: The blowjobs in the backroom.

ROSS: Right, for 10 bucks or whatever. That it is just a job.

KAT: Oh, god. I hope she’s getting more than that.

ROSS: She’s doing her pole dance and I think it’s actually a good thing that he’s there.

KAT: So… Okay. I’m fine with him visiting once, maybe twice, or maybe an occasional visit. But I so know some of these guys who all they want to do is hover. It’s the whole hover craft thing. They’re going to hang around day and night – well, depending what shift she works. Day and night, and totally monitor everything she’s doing, and really undermine what she’s trying to do a lot of the time. So I guess there’d be a caveat here that…

ROSS: It’s like Bring Your Boyfriend To Work Day. You know what I mean? It’s like he can come a couple of times but he’s not going to accompany her every time, certainly.

KAT: Right. And if he wants her to bring home some bacon, it’s probably not a good idea for him to be hanging around on the dark corners.

ROSS: Right. So I guess what we’re talking about is bring him along but not all the time. Let him see that it’s just a job, that there’s a reality of it. The other thing too is that when you’re dating a pole dancer or you’re a pole dancer in the dating pool, the pool of guys that are going to be cool with it is pretty small. So there’s a reality there as well that I think she has to deal with.

KAT: There is that reality, but ultimately, if it’s going to be somebody… I mean, she’s not going to be pole dancing forever, right? I mean, what? You hit 29 and…

ROSS: Right, like a ballet dancer. It’s like your aged at 20.

KAT: Right. It’s a very short slope after that.

ROSS: It’s called gravity.

KAT: Obviously, she’s going to figure that out before then. I think the right guy should understand, but you know, those are my standards.

ROSS: No, I understand. And she also has to realize that not everyone is going to be cool about it, and if this isn’t the guy that’s going to be cool about it, then she needs to move on.

KAT: Next! He needs to go for the big daddy, big spender guy in the front row who’s there every day, dropping $400 dollars on her.

ROSS: Okay, maybe.

KAT: Hey, you can call us. We’ll answer your question. Call my 24-hour a day, seven day a week Listener Line at 2132701968. And I have a very short and sweet final question here from Virginia in Florida. That sounds weird. “Hey, can a woman get an STD from receiving oral sex?”

Can A Woman Get An STD From Receiving Oral Sex

ROSS: On the count of three. One, two, three – yes!

KAT: Yes! Let’s talk about vaginas, Ross.

ROSS: If we have to.

KAT: It’s your favorite subject.

ROSS: You know what? I appreciate them. I don’t want to touch them or taste them, but I can absolutely talk about them.

KAT: Okay, you can? You’re not mildly vomiting in your mouth as we speak?

ROSS: No, not all.

KAT: Okay, cool. So yes, the answer is yes. Most notably, we have our friend Herpes Simplex 1, Herpes Simplex 2, right? Simplex 1 is typically the kind that you get orally. Simplex 2 is usually the genital kind. And guess what? They’re transferal back and forth. So that means if you have a nice, lovely, shiny blister on your lip and you are eating out some lovely, perfect woman, you can transfer that blister on to her vulva.

ROSS: Exactly. So I’m going to put it in… You know, I’m actually becoming a nouveau foodie as everyone is these days.

KAT: Food and vaginas, yes.

ROSS: There you go. So my analogy is going to be, you know what, the guy has been eating a little bit of red sauce and that red sauce is on his lip. And if it touches your vagina, that red sauce is now on your vagina. We should think of that red sauce as a Herpe.

KAT: That’s right.

ROSS: It can absolutely happen.

KAT: Track the red sauce, and it can go the other direction. If you have a Herpetic blister on your vulva…

ROSS: Oh, my god. That’s my new rock band. Herpetic Blister!

KAT: Oh, my god. That would be awesome.

ROSS: Okay, I’m trademarking it right now.

KAT: Yeah, okay. Nobody else gets that. I don’t think they will. I think you’re okay. But anyway, you can also get that from the vulva onto your lips. So what do we do? I don’t know if anyone out there has ever heard of – or our lovely Virginia in Florida – has heard about dental dams.

ROSS: Dental dams which you can buy at?


ROSS: Absolutely.

KAT: I think they’ve got a few of those. They might even be flavored.

ROSS: Ooh, that would be nice.

KAT: Banana, coconut, that would be nice. But the major issue here is you want to create a barrier if you’re concerned about that. So if you do not have a dental dam, guess what? Saran Wrap, plastic wrap works great. It not only keeps your leftovers fresh, it keeps your vagina fresh.

ROSS: There you go. And you know, worse comes to worse, a finger can act like a tongue.

KAT: Ooh, good point, Ross.

ROSS: Flick it, flick it good.

KAT: So you do know about vaginas.

ROSS: I do.

KAT: I want to thank everyone out there for joining us today and don’t forget to call the 24-hour a day, seven day a week Listener Line at 2132701968. You can go to, our wonderful sponsors right now. Pick up those dental dams.

ROSS: Please do.

KAT: Yeah, that’s a good idea. Condoms, dildos, whatever your heart’s desire. I think they have like over 18,000 toys and videos to choose from.

ROSS: Wow, okay.

KAT: It’s impressive. You can get 50% OFF on most any item, Plus a FREE Mystery gift, Plus FREE Shipping on you entire order when you use the Offer Code DRKAT. That's D-R-K-A-T at the checkout. Go ahead and visit for more information about the show and do not forget to subscribe to our lovely iTune show which you’re listening to right now.

ROSS: Please do.

KAT: Thanks, Ross.

ROSS: Aloha.

KAT: Aloha. Ping your blog Free blog ping

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