Monday, July 2, 2012

Californication, Sexual Resolutions, Premature Ejaculation, Threesome, & Vibrators


Californication TV Series By David Duchovny



Speaking of the New Year, there’s a new season of Californication, coming on, starring Mr. David Duchovny. He’s had his own share of sexual purpose. It’s going into its fourth season, just finished the third season. And, for those of you who don’t know about the show out there, as you can tell from the title. It’s not just a Red Hot Chili Peppers song, which I guess there was still mitigations about that. Basically, David Duchovny plays a writer named Hank Moody. And, it basically follows his sexual exploits in LA. It’s kinda general and it’s a well-done show. Lots of sex and obviously, the whole thing with David is his personal relationship. They feel like his relationships on the show mirrored his relationship in their life.

So here’s the thing, he starts the show and is it the chicken and the egg. Maybe, that’s the dilemma I’m thinking. Was everything’s fine during the X-Files. Exactly and suddenly did this character to bring out an Earth? Something that the beast within that, he suddenly realizes that he’s a sex addict which he claims.  He’s been through treatments, went into rehab, or, does he have a really great presage You know what Tea, I’m gonna give you an extra hundred grand .I’m sure it’s slightly embarrassing. And they’ve got kids; you want to be careful with that. Timing is really crazy. I could be running to, but when the Rob Lowe sex scandal came out. Didn’t that come out like write around or just before he had a movie that involved kind of the same thing. I don’t remember back in the late 80’s I think or early 90’s, I just thought that, that’s really suspect as well. Again, hit the sex tape which kinda mirrored the bad guy that he was playing.

He was in his career, he’s playing like a good guy and that the timing is usually a suspect.

Well, we’ve talked about the whole Charlie Sheen thing as well, that how he’s gone with sympathy because his character is kind of fumbling ridiculous, sexually over person on television and that people kinda like that, have made okay for him in life. It definitely makes you wonder and the show itself. In addition to sex, deals a lot with commitment issues about -- can man really be committed. Is it the old way that we are all set up and then in the evolutionary sense is that men needs to spread their seat and women just to take it, to take the seat. It definitely deals with a lot of issues as well and he’s got a lot of very convoluted relationship with women. In fact, the way that the last episode had ended where he was this nightmare sequence where his floating on a pool and all the women he bedded which is a lot. Where it swimming naked or laying out naked and of course, he has a daughter who’s a teenager who’s coming around against her own sexuality issues which come to find out that she might be more like her dad. And an ex-wife that he still kind of like Madonna whore thing happening but she’s moving on as well too but the two of them were seating up on the side on the pool. It’s full of frailty and union. A really interesting show and I’m really curious to see what happens on Season 4. I do have to admit, the sex scenes is a little… which is funny coming from me again. But, my point is that, if a sex scene has got context, enough intensity, you know, I’m in to it. That’s the sex I want to see on television. Versus, I kind of feel like there could be some more relationship and character development that happens other than the small that happens in between sex. David Duchovny, is pretty likeable and in real life, he’s someone who’s come out prior to the whole sex addiction problem, was pure porn. It’s like, Hey! You know I’m like the first person who fun travelling, you know, firing up the porn channel. The season starts out with him, he’s now gonna teach at a college campus. And, we’ll have to keep up on the Californication thing.  

Cumming Too Quickly



Sex Question:

Nigel, wants to know about lasting. “I have a problem with cumming too fast. I’m trying my best not to but I only last 5 minutes tops, no matter what. Do you have any tips?”

KAT:  So, Nigel obviously has no problem. Everything’s functioning great just a little quick on the draw, sort of thing. The thing I asked most men about this, is to me when I work with them around issues of this is usually called Premature Ejaculation. Anyway, the whole point is if he’s with the partner on the regular long term partner or not, because to tell you the truth that issue must’ve been easier to work with if you got a partnered relationship. Because, there’s certain techniques that you can do that involve a partner versus if he’s just out kind of having one night stands with whomever. You know what I mean.

ROSS: It would be interesting I’d like to know when he masturbates does he come in 5 minutes and if that’s the case then we talked about this in the previous episode he might want to try edging, where you basically masturbates  to the point where you almost going to cum and then you hands up. Think of something that’s gonna turn you off, get hard again if you gotten soft and do that a few times, and that will actually will help you in the long run keep you longer hard on.

KAT: It also a version of like start/stop method, which you can also try with partners too is that -- he can get in there and second he realizes you know that he could reaches there’s a point of no return that he pulls out and he does some of little sort of play. Might be a little awkward to someone you don’t know.

ROSS: Generally speaking too, when you’re about orgasm, it focuses on you, when you get to that point maybe it’s time to pull out and focus on your partner. And, get something away your concentration away from your own dick on your own orgasms and focus to other person that might help you not cum so quickly.

KAT: Absolutely, his probably heard there desensitization gels and things like that. For most men, there really are ways where stopping and starting and paying attention with no return is, and doing the edging. He just needs to work with it a little bit. Doing it and playing with it in during the course of masturbation is a really good way to start that.

ROSS: Here’s another thing to. You know, desensitization, I’d rather than doing a cream, or gel, or lubricant, or anbesol. Try it. Hopefully, he’s wearing a condom. Wear two; wear three, whatever it’s gonna take to maintain your action you still get the sensation. You, know the penetration but you’re not gonna get the full on stimulation.

KAT: That’s true and if he’s out with about multiple partners…

ROSS: Wear four!

KAT: Wrap that baby up! So, good luck with that!

Wants More Sex



Sex Question:

Emily wants more sex. “My boyfriend and I have been together for about five years now, and things are really good. He used to really want sex and so did, I. However, recently things have change to worst. Now, we go for weeks or even for month at a time without any kind of physical relations. I love him no matter what, but I’m tired of always having to bring it up because often he rejects me. We’ve talked about it and he says it’s just stress. What can I do to let him know that I understand that he gets stressed and I’m not trying to pressure him but I just want to enjoy having sex with him without having to make it a big deal.  I’m getting a bit frustrated and pretty bored to be honest. Please, help.”

ROSS: Wow.

KAT: Yeah, that sucks! I can totally understand. Because, that means she said she is, this is her quandary.  You know, like she’s kind a doomed one more the other like she brings it up and makes the big deal and you know, that’s her getting rejected again ,or she’s not gonna do without.

ROSS: I say bring it up and make it a big deal. Because, silently suffering is not gonna get you anywhere and except just bitter and probably an affair. You know, turning elsewhere. And if you bring it up, not before or not before during sex, not before when you’re trying to get him in a sack but do it when you’re laughing about something and actually, having a good time that might be a sag way into, “Hey! There’s something that now that we are feeling good with each other, there’s something I want to talk about…”, and it’s an intimacy issue I think. And, sort of a good way to start, I believe.

KAT: The thing with most couple would get into this headspace about of having sex – We’re not having sex, we for a week or month at a time. It’s a desire issue. One partner wants it more than the other. And, it becomes a much bigger issue than it needs to be because it becomes serious and heavy and people become really miserable really quickly about it.

ROSS: Talking about sex is, it’s so taboo. We’re not bright up to talk about sex or sexual problems.

KAT: People dig their heels in it. They just think that the situation is to resolve on its own. They don’t want to bring it up because, number 1; they don’t want to be rejected, number 2; there’s a segment of talking about sex. So absolutely find ways in order to laugh about it in order to make fun of it. Because I tell you what, Emily, you guys have been together for 5 years.  That’s a long term relationship. There gonna be stressors that each one experience that are gonna affect sex drive.

ROSS: He might also want to get tested on the medical side if his tests strum levels are low.

KAT: It’s never been a bad idea if this is going on for awhile. I would take it’s been going on for more than six months to maybe do that. And, within that, you know people there are definitely times where you more sex versus less. Who knows if there’s some other relationships issues going on that maybe isn’t being address.

ROSS: It’s also interesting when you hear like we haven’t had sex for a week or a month. It comes down to, what is normal? What is like the normal amount of sex in the relationship?  Well, the normal is that, are you please with what you are getting or is he or she pleased, he or she’s getting. Then, that’s normal. If someone is not satisfied then that’s where the negotiation comes in.
KAT: It’s true, if one person with in the relation thinks it’s a problem. It’s a problem for the relationship, period. People would be up hold. If you saw the numbers, the average of how many times a married couple had sex or a long term partner had sex. If you been together more than five years, the average is 6 to 12 times a year. Not that, anyone needs to accept that because you don’t have to. There are other definitely things you can do. Other reasons why you should be having sex in addition to just getting off, as far as bonding and having physical closeness that sounds like part of what she’s missing to.

ROSS: The intimacy.

KAT: The intimacy. I don’t know how if there’s any affection that’s none sexual oriented because that should not be happening to. She needs to bite the bullet. She needs to be willing to talk to him about it and bring it up in the situation where maybe lighter. There are ways that kind a lighten it. The more you do it, might feel awkward at first. Again, it’s a matter of training yourself so that you’re able to talk about it. And oftentimes, people end up feeling so much better and so much kind of just lighter and they end up having sex because it becomes fun again.  If it’s more than six months he could definitely get a medical work out if he wants to.

ROSS: Here’s the other thing, take him on a date. Try a date.

KAT: If you make it just about the sex, it’s again, it’s gonna be a heavy ignominious. Again, have a fun with it, the date thing it maybe woe him a little bit.  If you’re in a long term relationship don’t be concerned about the rejection thing because obviously, if it doesn’t work out it’s just gonna allow you to have a conversation.

3 Way Quandary





Sex Question:

Jessie has a three way quandary. “I married a girl with a twin sister. Early in the marriage, there was a night that things got a little wild. There was no sex involve but minor foreplay. Well, it was sometimes later before we started down that road again. Couple of months ago, we played some dare game which included of kissing and touching but that was it. Then, I suggest we all three take a shower, we did, and omg. We’ve done this few at a times and it’s great! However, I would like to take things a little further. I’m not sure how my wife feels about this but her sister seems a little more open-minded. I find her to be very flirtatious when my wife is not around. I do desire to have sex with both of them. People I’ve talked to, judge me and said I’m wrong to feel this way but, I can’t help myself. What do I do? I don’t want to lose what I’ve got but I need more.”

KAT: There are a couple of different ways to go about this. Either, Jessie, you just got to leave it alone and there might be situations that will titillate you. And, it seems like the other two people involved in this the sisters, obviously, they’re interested in the play. I mean it’s happened multiple times and doesn’t sound like his silly sitting it up and forcing the situation.

ROSS: And, the wife it seems to be opened about it.
KAT: She does. And, surprisingly I can’t believe it. Being married by somebody and having the twin sister involve in some sex play. Somebody should be saying something.

ROSS: And number one, he needs to go to his wife find out where she is with it. Where’s her head. Does she want more? Because, otherwise here’s the flirtatious twin who sounds like she’s a little bit on a download. And, she only flirts with him when the other sister is not around. It’s going to spell disaster.

KAT: You need to avoid that, Jessie. It’s as simple as having a conversation with your wife and seeing where she’s at with it. And, get the thing about you’re feeling judge on stuff. The whole point is, if she got consent of people on board. There’s nothing wrong with it.

ROSS: There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s their problem not yours.

There’s another thing at the very end in his last sentence, “I don’t want to lose what I’ve got but I need more.”

ROSS: Okay, I’m assuming that this is verbatim. This is a verbatim type email. I don’t know if that was… or not, but that was something to look up, Jessie. If you need more then you really need to talk to your wife.

KAT: It is not a different relationship. It’s not necessarily monogamist relationship and that’s okay. But, the conversation needs to happen and I understand that some women, some people, but in this particular case; women have a hard time verbalize it then that makes them the bad girl. Because, if they’re just in the sexual situation and things just sort to happen and get out of hand, well then, I don’t need to really give or just say that okay I’m just gonna go with it. That’s so an empowering.

ROSS: Exactly, and that might be what if he finds out if he talks to his wife. It’s like well, I kind a wind a long with it because you did. But to be honest, his perspective might be “Oh! My God it’s great!” and hers might be, “Why would we do that? This is really maybe uncomfortable. What are my parents gonna say?”

KAT: And, he can’t move forward with it, if you need more, Jessie, that’s a bigger discussion for you and your wife. And, as far as her twin sister goes also to build thing about having an ignominious relationships about negotiation. Number one; negotiation about your primary partner which is your wife, number two; negotiating with the other party, and say this isn’t okay. You can go down on her, but she can’t go down on you. Anything can happen there but not vaginal. And, so without knowing exactly what’s going to happen in really safe way, it’s not gonna handled well.

ROSS: And, you don’t want to cross the line, and while you crossing the line you want to set those boundaries beforehand otherwise it does not gonna handled well.

KAT: Absolutely, unless you talk to her, you talk to your wife. It could be great. Who knows, you’ve got to play it out.

Gay Take and Straight Take Sex Toy Review: Treeze Wave Vibrator

So, we have a Gay Take and Straight Take, on the featured toy of the week. And this is the funny one boys and girls, it’s called Treeze Wave Vibrator from www.adamandeve.com.

ROSS: I love it. The special thing about this is Treeze; it’s actually made of wood. It’s a wooden dildo vibrator.

KAT: Let’s go back to like George Washington, it’s like wood teeth.

ROSS: Exactly, except you know. Get the idea like it waddled. It’s actually really beautiful, it’s polished wood, there’s zero chance of getting a splinter unless you cracked it over your head. It’s actually really beautiful and it doesn’t go soft talking about getting wood.

KAT: There you go, it’s quite literally treated and it’s not just a novelty item. It’s actually environmentally friendly. It has 8 different vibration speeds. It’s extra long for deep penetration.

ROSS: I read that somewhere that it’s 7 and a half inches long insertable.

KAT: And, the shaft is covered with ribs for extra stimulation with every thrust.

ROSS: Good for him or her, right?

KAT: True.

ROSS: Is this the one the gets warm as well?

KAT: I think the wood fibers basically, definitely maintain more heat. I don’t know if it is so good of cooling it down but it does come up with body temperature pretty easily.

ROSS: You can shove it all off your ass and make you feel warm all over like cup of hot coco but without the calories.

KAT: It’s actually sounds really neat, really novel, totally functional, and it’s really beautiful.

ROSS: It’s pretty.

KAT: Yeah, it’s really lovely. So it’s the Treeze, T-R-E-E-Z-E Wave Vibrator and the reason they said wave because, it’s kind of ridges.

ROSS: Right. It’s rippled and it’s ridge for pleasure. It’s pretty.  Something that you might forget to put in your drawer and you see it on the table, you wouldn’t know what it was.

KAT: It’s like a piece of art.

You can go to www.adamandeve.com right now and you’ll get 50% OFF on most ANY item, plus a FREE mystery gift and FREE shipping on your entire order when you use the Offer Code DRKAT at the check-out.

So, given the New Year, 2011, we’re gonna do, Ross, talk about sexual resolution for the year which I suggest all of you up on doing this. Sexual resolution every year as a clinical sexologist as client I work with, I’ve talked to them about, what would they really like to see for their sex life for the coming year. And, some people say, I don’t have regular eye contact with my partner during sex. I would really like to work on that, it’s not just a matter of having more sex and better sex. I’m trying to get people more specific about it. I would like to have sex some more with very position. I would like to have a sex vacation, where you hold up on a nearby hotel and just have 24 to 48 hours of sex.

ROSS: Okay, that’s mine. I want it, five star and you don’t have to clean the towel, you can use 12 towels. Better yet, get a room with two beds the one you sleep in and the one you soil.

KAT: Right, exactly! You got the pristine one and the one that’s dirty. A dirty, dirty bed. That’s it. My sexual resolution for the year is to get more index experimentation, again, you know with the toys and things. Because, we all go in and out of you know, sometimes like we put on important things towards than other. Maybe I should go back to that and try to play around with that stuff a little more on that.

ROSS: And, I think my second one is twins, any guy with twin out there?

KAT: Jessie, do you have a brother?

ROSS: I want the one guy that plays themselves in social network.

KAT: Oh, my God! Right! We’re putting the call out.

We would love to all of you to subscribe to our little podcast here, sex chat with dr.kat on iTunes. Also I’ve got a new video podcast; sex toys for everyone it’s in the sex toy box with dr.kat. and don’t forget to call on to our 24-hour a day, seven day a week Listener Line at 2132701968. And, I’m putting some new YouTube videos on www.drkat.com. Have a great new year!

ROSS: Yes, happy New Year Kat!

KAT: Find someone to kiss Ross!

ROSS: Is that a statement? Find someone to kiss, Ross. Okay.

KAT: I know you’ll gonna kiss. It’s all good.

1 comment:

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    Robin Stcharles

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